The last several weeks have been quite emotional for me. I abruptly decided to give up breastfeeding. I was just compelled. For almost 3 years my body has belonged to others. I so yearned for autonomy and I decided mentally that it was time to regain control. There is absolutely no guilt associated with "cutting off" the Harri Berry (my daughter). I truly listened to my heart and knew that she would ultimately be okay. SHE IS!
With that came a reintroduction to my body. It changed but so have I. It feels like we are both on the same pages now. We have both been through a heck of a lot. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. But we have essentially arrived at the same place: LOVE.
My hubby turned 29...the year before all is supposed to change. I inevitably ended up feeling like my time to do what I truly desire was drifting. I hated to think that my mind would become still and life stagnant if I didn't act before my impending three-OH!
My relationship with food has always been complicated. But after almost a year of dealing with a gut that hates me, fondly remembering a time when the food in my life was to nourish not numb, and the love of my body and self, I have come to a place where "thy food is thy medicine and thy medicine my food".
With all these personal revelations, I felt it only fitting to wipe the slate clean as one might say. SO I SHAVED MY HEAD! When I look in the mirror I see myself, my new beginning.
Now, I am not going to lie. Fear accompanied the buzzing of the razor. But the emotions that surged through my veins and palpitated my heart through the process were overwhelmingly liberating. I felt alive, strong, happy and loved by a husband who reassured me I was beautiful, although, I have come to a point where I know I am. This is not to be misconstrued as narcissism. It is true bliss: to look at yourself in the mirror and see your being before your body.
Bad Little Spice