Friday, June 25, 2010

Love. Pray. Eat.

A token of love from my husband. A reminder of our devotion. I love the design because it is so earthy, simple and uncomplicated, how I want my life to be.

I close my eyes very rarely, in search of solace.

When my thoughts stray and chores pile up, I need to remind myself to eat, for survival, health, and pleasure.

There are moments when one feels consumed by thoughts. Sometimes our hearts want something so badly but we cannot figure out what that something is because silly thoughts penetrate our brains. They thrive on the confusion and multiply rapidly until their interconnectedness becomes connections and our sense of reality is devoured and we can no longer function.

I must reclaim that space which I used to call mine. And I need to do it fast! I will hopefully accomplish this by following the formula of:

L.O.V.E. + Pray + E.A.T. = BRAIN UNFRIED

LOVE component

At this point in my life, I have many loves that I need to concentrate on. I must nurture relationships with my daughters first and foremost. They are the light in my life and for the majority of everyday, I am in theirs. I need to focus throughout the day solely on their happiness and growth. I truly believe I am a great mom and I think my husband and wonderful children can attest to that, but I don't want to look back and regret putting up laundry or doing the dishes while I could have played with them. There will thus be no chores happening, unless it is preparing their food or getting ready to go outside, while they are awake. This is now doubly hard considering that both usually sleep at different times now.

The love for my husband / partner / best friend must be nurtured as well. He is the most loving, hardworking man, an amazing father, good listener and always ups the happiness quotient in my life. We feed off and nurture each others dreams. We will officially be getting married in October and I thus need to concentrate my energy on that momentous day in our lives. We have loved each other for such a long time and our daughters are a testament to that, and although the day will not solidify that love that clearly exists, it will be the day that I can symbolize and vocalize that love to everyone we love.

ART is another love and I have definitely lost touch with that. So I am also devoted to doodling and creating a lot more.

Alley girl...our lovely dog. With the birth of our second daughter, we have drifted apart, not intentionally. Time seems to pass. My days are spent juggling a 5 month old and 2 year old. She is so calm and not needy that I often forget to pat her or hug her. So embarrassing, but I am resolved to change that.

PRAY component.

No need to be alarmed! I am not going to get all religious on you. My definition of pray more or less refers to thinking happy thoughts and finding ways by which to create them. For some this may involve attempts to speak to someone they have never met, but truly believes exists and is listening to them. For others, it may mean contorting and eventually coming out into a downward dog position. For me it involves a Tracey Anderson workout, a run, a cup of highly caffeinated green tea, a good book, a bath, and myself.

EAT component

If you follow the blog (I AM SO SECRETLY HOPING FOR A LITTLE FOLLOWING! BECAUSE BLOGGING IS SO MUCH FUN!) you will know that I am trying to complete La Dolce Vegan by January 1st, 2011. I am have been pretty successful and have plugging through. It is pretty much a test to see if after this year, I have enough will power to be vegan. While I am committed to cooking mostly vegan this year, I have been met with the Patisseries of Montreal, the occasional yummy Old Cheddar cheese and eggs.

I have been trying to be vegan since I met my husband, but have fallen off the bandwagon so many times.
I have always tried it for the wrong reasons:

1. My boyfriend is.
2. If I am vegan I would have a label, a title, something and some group to relate to.
3. My daughters are growing up vegan.
4. It is trendy.

I completed ignored the right reason: because I want to. And truth is, I really want to want to be completely vegan but I love good cheese and I love my chocolate croissants. Since I was 14 years old I have not had milk, I have not had red meat. It is so weird because I only bake and eat vegan treats. I cook vegan for my family. And I was macrobiotic for almost 4 years. But being in Montreal has just reignited this desire to eat good french food (meat excluded) and I have the most horrible soy digesting issue that I fixed with digestive enzymes. But those enzymes severely upset my breastfeeding daughters tummy so I had to stop. So blogoids, I will continue to finish the recipe book, but I may have to remove the VEGAN from the title this coming January because I must follow my heart and eat what I know I am not willing to cut out: cheese and good ass milk chocolate treats.

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